Experience the "Experience"

In a year filled with Beyonce hoopla, let me too join the band wagon and offer up my unnecessary opinion. But to make it easier on all of us, I’ll center this rant to her eponymous tour, a.k.a. “The Beyonce Experience.”

Enough information has already been written on the tour to base a sequel to Dreamgirls (loosely based of course). The show is a non-stop, dance spasm inducing, Beyonce love fest, complete with passionate karaoke sing-along from the audience, and enough pulsating visuals to make even the whitest of gay men feel diva, if not booty, -licious.

Your girl started the show strong with 3 frenetic dance tracks: “Crazy in Love”, “Freakum’ Dress”, and “Green Light,” which left seats booty-less for quite a while. The costume change came, along with the oddly placed dueling drum solo. Follow that with a Kenny G-ish sax solo that filled in during the second costume change. The solo was complete with a pulp noir cityscape thrown up as the backdrop. I expected men in trench coats to come out Dick Tracy style. She rocked this “hot mystery set” with “Baby Boy,” and “Naughty Girl.” As for the hot male and female dancer “gettin’ it on” through choreography? Shake it, don’t break it…………

Costume change 3; later in the show, I got my Tracy style male dancers, trenches and all, strolling on stage to the theme from Pink Panther. It appears the “Green Light” video wouldn’t be the only Madonna nod she’d be giving this year. Then they bust out the crunkin’. Say what! The girl is from Houston; keepin’ it real.

“Dangerously In Love” was complete with the vocal acrobatics we’ve seen on every live recording of the song. It had been reported that “Flaws And All” came complete with a practiced tear shed during the last verse and ended with a huge Rocafella sign shout out to her man (you know, that crazy triangle thing they do). I got no tear roll, and I got little mini Roc’s thrown up throughout the song. Glad I’m farsighted.

The ubiquitous DC Medley; we’re ¾ of the way threw the show. By now, we’ve all started sweatin’ our edges; well those of us brave enough to dance and not worried about kinky-silky weave retribution. Kelly and Michelle came out for a hot minute on one song. I can’t remember which one, and after Kelly’s hot mess performances this year, do we really care. It was nice that she was giving them work though.

Finally!!! “Ring the Alarm.” Will she fall down, will she stand up? Did someone finally buy those skid protection pads for the bottom of her shoes? Maybe trim up that trench? Well something was learned from that face waxing she gave the floor, b/c the performance was flawless, and yes, I went there. Jigga showed up for “Upgrade You.” The crowd went wild, including me. I would’ve paid extra for him to do a short set, but he came and went like a phantom. We were stuck with her doing 2 more Jigga duets sans the HOV? WTF? Ya’ can’t cough the dough for 2 more songs? You’re asking yourself these questions during the night.

Bad @$$ bassist rocks out to popular bass grooves like the one from MJ’s “Rock Wit’ You.” Finishes set licking her own bass and throwing up the rock & roll devil sign. Apparently, girls rock if you hadn’t gotten the message from the all girl band. I know, I’m defeating the mission, but you and I both know, it just looks like we’re trying too hard. Sad, but true. Accept it.

Despite the comments and poor jokes that ensued, the BET Awards “Robo Ho” would not be put to rest. She brought the costume back out for “Get Me Bodied” and I still don’t understand the drama. But you know haters. Someone’s been trying to find a good way to call her a “Robo Ho” for a while. She’s automated at times. Some complain she’s over practiced and over produced. The song was banging. If that’s what a “Robo Ho” does, sign me up! Can I get costume change 6?

A video montage of Beyonce pics played to the chorus she sang on Jay-z’s song “Hollywood.” At this point, I can understand the comments of her being “into herself.” It’s the Beyonce experience, but I’m not sure if we’re experiencing the joy of her artistry, or if we’re supposed to be experiencing the joy of being privileged enough to get 120 minutes of her time. I won’t front; I was still sweatin’. It helps that her songs are radio playable, danceable, and lyrically memorable.

Take it to a Dreamgirls medley, and close it off with “Irreplaceable.” Then front like it’s her birthday while they bring out a cake and had the audience sing. “And you know we don’t give a ---- it’s not yo’ birthday…..”

You think she’s cold and calculated; an angel of music? There is an undeniable ear for harmony and a mind for the business. And she learned from “crack is whack” Whitney. You can be down with the ‘hood; just clean it up for the “rest of the folks.”

Backstage, after the show, as “B” shimmies out of her sequined dress, and removes her $20k lace front wig, she turns to a member of her entourage. In her thick Houston twang, she says, “You know, I’ll cut a b----.” That, to me, would be the true Beyonce Experience.